Naruto Uzumaki Namikaze Sword Saint
by shadie kid
Summary: up for adoption, if you don't take it, my unfortunate slave, I mean friend takes it, and he's a jerk so you should take it
1. Chapter 1

This boy no, this man. Had defeated in a close battle that would kill them both, him due to the blade sticking through his lung his very own blade as well oh the irony.

His opponent was none other than Naruto Uzumaki Namikaze. He had blond hair that was spiky and shoulder length, blue eyes, and whisker marks on his cheeks. He was the greatest ninja every to live and now he would die all because of to evil men who plotted his death and used him like a pawn.

"Namikaze, there is a chance *cough* that we can live" the stranger told naruto.

"What" naruto asked ignoring the pain from talking.

"I can send us back to a point in time where the chance to kill those two will be available to us do you accept" the man asked him.

"Yes" was naruto's only word before the other man made a hand sign and blasted sliver, gold, white, purple, orange, and red chakra from his body.

2 months before genin exams

"HOLY SHIT" naruto yelled jumping from his bed into his ceiling.

"Allow me to explain" said a boy who was 12 who was sitting on the ground.

"You but how" naruto asked.

"Now since I do have a name I might as well tell you it, my name is Taro" taro said.

Taro was 5'6 with brown hair that stopped at the bottom of his neck, green eyes that turned orange at the end of the pupil. And was a master swordsman.

"You see you body is as strong as you were when you died in the future meaning you can use all of your attacks that you could then now and I can return other peoples memories from the future at make them as strong as they were then" taro explained. "It is 2 months before your genin test I shall go to the hokage and gain a letter to join the academy in your class you can borrow some of the close in this scroll because if I see you it that orange monster I will kill you after gouging my own eyes out".

Academy

Iruka was the teacher of this class he had brown hair tied in a pony tail and a scar on his nose, he wore the basic chunin uniform.

He noticed naruto was late probably pulling a prank on the village.

Then some blond boy came in who looked like naruto.

Except he was wearing black cargo pants and a vest over a skin tight black shirt with his blond hair not being held up by his goggles. And he had a sword at his waist. Naruto couldn't use a sword or the basic clone jutsu for that matter and likes sakura but he ignored her and sat next to hinata who was in the back corner.

Hinata had raven colored hair, pupil less lavender eyes marking her as a hyugga and pale skin. She wore a big jacket and skin tight black pants.

Then this day got stranger for Iruka as a bundle came in through the window, which then blew up revealing taro.

"Here" was what he said giving Iruka his papers before going to the back.

"Great another naruto" Iruka thought seeing a banner that had a introduction on it.

It said: Taro Nakiceme Greatest swordsman ever to live.

"Or another anko" Iruka thought shuddering.

Then the banner exploded.

"That was one hell of an entrance" naruto told taro.

"I know it was planned perfectly and I am the best swordsman ever seen" taro said before putting his feet on the desktop and leaning back sleeping.

"Lazy bastard" naruto muttered.

After the academy

"Dobe fight me" sasuke said.

Sasuke the super emo. He wore a jacket with the uchia fan on the back and white shorts. He had a very large fan girl army.

"I would, but can't hurt your face your fan girl army would attack me with weak and useless girl after weak and useless girl till they eventually annoyed me enough that I give up" naruto said.

"But I would be glad to put your lazy ass in its palace" taro said coming onto the scene. "After all, NO FANGIRL ARMY CAN BREAK ME".

"Fine then loser" sasuke said as they walked to a clearing and he got into the uchia fighting style.

Taro got into the Devil fist stance.

Sasuke charged at taro. And was launched into and through about 9 trees from a kick.

"Wimp not even 1/3 my full power kick" taro said getting out of his stance and pulling a flute from no where and playing it.

"You never cease to amaze do you" naruto asked.

"OF COURSE NOT" taro yelled.

When he turned around he paled so naruto decided to look to and paled. There were 2 new fangirl groups the naruto group and the taro one.

Of course taro tried to do fake his own death. While naruto ran and ran until he reach the hokage monument then he ran up that and jumped off it to hide.

Hinata watched this being the leader of naruto's fan club but had to keep that hidden for now.

Genin exam

"RAWR" taro yelled biting some random person. Yet he had fangirls. WHATS WRONG WITH THE WORLD. They either go for the brooder, or the spontaneous, insane ones.

"OW" the person he bit happened to be Choji.

Choji is fa- I mean big boned. And was wearing… Clothes and had swirls on his cheeks.

"YOU TASTE LIKE CHICKEN" taro yelled.

"REALLY" Choji yelled before biting himself. "LIAR".

"Class settle down" Iruka said.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP" the magic of swear words.

"Right today is the genin test" Iruka said. "You have to do the basic three jutsu and another one of your choice".

"OUTSIDE" taro yelled running through a wall.

"We probably should go after him" naruto said.

"Why" Iruka asked.

"There a body of water there, he knows really destructive water jutsu" naruto said before a water dragon smashed into a tree right outside the academy.

Outside

"Right um lets begin" Iruka said before calling people that I won't name.

"Naruto Uzumaki" Iruka called.

"Right" Naruto made a cross hand sign. "Kage bunshin no jutsu" now there was 5 narutos.

"Henge" one said turning into Iruka.

Another one switched with a rock.

One dispelled.

One of the last two held out their hand and the other started forming the rasengan in it.

"RASENGAN" naruto yelled smashing the ball o death into a tree… which asploded.

"Um very good" Iruka said. "Taro".

"Ration: Kage bunshin no jutsu" taro said making four clones.

"Henge" one said turning into the Iruka.

Another switched with a log.

The other two turned into lighting.

"Suiton: Suiryuudan" taro said making three water dragons that smashed through the forest.

"Uh" Iruka said. "Sasuke your up".

Sasuke was gay and did the normal clone before shooting a lame fireball.

"That's not a fireball" taro said before doing hand seals. "Katon: Goukakyuu no jutsu" he said exhaling a giant fireball. "THAT'S a fireball".

Please review I had a dream were a dinosaur told me to right this or else.


	2. Chapter 2

"RASENGAN" naruto yelled slamming the rasengan into taro's stomach blasting him straight through some trees.

"Futon: Tatsu no Ooshigoto" taro said leveling most of the stuff in front of him from the jutsu effect.

Only for naruto to have dodged it by having his clones launch him into the air before coming down with his blunted sparring sword and smashing it into taro's head smashing him into the ground.

"You give" naruto asked.

"I say to that Futon: Kaiten" Taro said before wind started spinning around him and threw naruto into a tree.

"Do you concede" taro asked holding his own blunted sword to naruto's throat.

"Fine asshole" naruto said before taro let him go. "You know you can come out" taro said looking at a tree that hinata came out from behind.

Naruto had tried to keep the events relatively the same as they were the first time which meant he couldn't start dating hinata.

Taro decided since he had gotten naruto to admit he like hinata he was gonna get the two together and fast at that. After all in the first time through they both died. Not something to want to redo. Sooo he was gonna meddle so that those two got together before the chunin exams he did get naruto's memories after all and because of that he knew he would feel horrible if he didn't get the two together so that hinata would become stronger and hopefully not nearly die against her cousin.

So let the meddling begin.

"And what do we owe the pleasure of seeing you Miss Hinata" taro asked getting a hidden glare from naruto. One that was very easy to catch.

"I-I w-was just w-walking b-by a-and h-heard the s-sound of f-fighting so I d-decided to c-come and s-see w-what it w-was" she stuttered out with a blush not looking at naruto's direction so she didn't see him staring at her.

What the girl he fell in love with who had to die in the future and he hadn't seen in four months before the redo was finally actually there and was being dangled in front of him like a piece of meat in front of a lion the only outcome would be bad.

"So you were there before we started sparring and decided to come even though you were already there hmmm. That seems awfully strange to me I mean it wasn't to hard to tell you were there when I sent a chakra pulse out to check the area but still what were you actually doing there" taro asked cracking up inside from her face. Hey he was evil from the start.

"U-um w-well y-you s-see" she tried to say.

"It seems to me you were spying on us little hyuuga" Taro said tempted to pinch her on the cheek to mess with naruto and deciding against it. "But why oh I wonder why."

"U-um I-it I-isn't l-like t-that" she tried to say but making it barely comprehensibly due to her stutter.

"I wonder why is it your so weak" taro asked knowing that would be the final straw for naruto.

Who as if on cue exploded with rage.

"WILL YOU JUST SHUT UP" naruto yelled at him. "STOP BEING SUCH AN ASS AND BE NORMAL."

"I was just asking her some questions but what's this it seems you don't like what I said does it I wonder why I thought you 'loved' sakura" taro said laughing his ass of inside his head.

"SO THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN BE A JERK TO HER LIKE THAT" naruto yelled eyes turning red from his anger.

"Just a bit more and I'm sure they'll be the newest couple" taro thought. "Now then don't tell me you like her naruto or are you just being nice since I believe you said you love sakura yet you don't show her any affection anymore in fact you seem to ignore her existence completely" taro said. "So I wonder did you ever really 'love' sakura or was that a lie to hide that you like hinata" taro puzzled.

"JUST SHUT THE HELL UP" naruto yelled lunging at him.

Only to be knocked aside as if he didn't weigh anything.

"Ah naruto, naruto, naruto I guess I'll have to teach you a lesson wont I" taro said before throwing naruto into the air and smashing him in the stomach when he came down with his foot.

It continued with taro smashing naruto around before naruto landed next to hinata.

When taro began to advance to attack again.

Hinata moved in front of naruto getting in the gentle fist stance.

"So your gonna do something now instead of just stand there looking scared" taro said

"I won't let you hurt naruto-kun" she said her stutter gone.

"Really you won't how do you plan to do that" taro asked laughing on the inside from the whole situation.

"I'll beat you up" she said rushing for ward.

"Ugh she really isn't all too good at picking her fights is she" taro thought before dodging her attacks.

"You know I kinda want to know why you care so much about him what does he mean to you" taro asked. This is plan A, plan B is restore her memories and leave before she rapes naruto.

"I love him" she said before attacking more.

Maybe plan b would still be better actually.

So putting her in a headlock of sorts at giving back her memories was actually really easy.

"YOU" she yelled trying to kill him… again.

"Hold on I'm a good guy now okay and look a naruto that is barely capable of movement go nuts" taro said before teleporting away.

You can guess how that might have gone over.

So I'll pull this over to taro.

Who was talking with the hokage a very old man with a beard name something with an h-, sarutobi.

"You want me to change the teams to put you, naruto and hinata on one team under kakashi" the hokage said.

"Yes" taro said.

"Why" the hokage asked.

"Because after perfect planning on my side I was able to get those two together and sakura and sasuke REALLY sakura wouldn't get any better at all ever. And sasuke is a spoiled emo so he can fuck off" taro summed up.

"I'll consider it" the hokage said before taro left.

Sometime later at the council cambers

"We should kill the demon now before it becomes to strong" a random civilian member said.

And that was when taro crashed through the roof.

"IS THAT ALL YOU GOT" taro yelled at the hole before blasting chakra from his hand through the hole and at some people on the council.

And then a shuriken made of wind chakra flew through the hole and tore the room apart even more.

"PULSE" taro yelled to dispel the mini twister that had formed and blowing the ceiling from the room to reveal naruto hovering in the air making a Rasenshuriken.

"RASENSHURIKEN" naruto yelled launching his attack.

"CANNON" taro yelled blasting a ball of chakra off his hand that hit the Rasenshuriken and blew up in the air making a really big pulse of energy that made a shock wave.

"RASENGAN" naruto yelled as he fell through the air making the ball of death in his hand.

"BLADE" taro yelled making a chakra sword to meet naruto's rasengan making a power clash happen that made the kyuubi seem like a baby, well that's probably because naruto is using the kyuubi's chakra while taro was just blasting golden chakra in a way similar to naruto in two tail form.

"WILL YOU BOTH DO THIS SOME WHERE ELSE" the hokage yelled.

"Oh sorry" they both said dropping their attacks and chakra auras before teleporting away.

"Well this meeting is over" the hokage said to the few people still standing.

Academy

"Man this is boring" taro said having actually gotten there on time for once.

"Well it was either this or be hunted by hinata" naruto said sitting next to taro.

"True, do you think I should give the Nara back his memories" taro asked.

"Shikamaru is one of the smartest people ever to live so yeah that would be smart" naruto said.

"Do you think the teams will be like they were the first time" taro asked.

"Most likely" naruto said.

"Don't bet your life on that" taro said before falling asleep.

A half-hour later.

"Team 7 will be sasuke, sakura and kiba and your jonin instructor will be kakashi Hatake" Iruka said.

"You changed the team" naruto said.

"Yep" taro said.

"Team 8 will be naruto, hinata, and taro you jonin instructor will Kurenai yuhi" Iruka said.

"I'm actually glad you did that now" naruto said.

"Yep figures" taro said.

"Team 10 will consist of ino, shikamaru, and Choji you jonin instructor will be Asuma sarutobi" Iruka said.

"Team 11 will consist of kiba, takaru, and kina your instructor will be Yonru hataru" Iruka said.

"Well then let the games begin" naruto said before being launched into the wall by taro.

"Oh my bad I thought you meant the fighting game that end with me winning" taro said.

"ASSHOLE."

"Team 8 your with me" a woman with black hair, and red eyes who was wearing a dress basically made up of bandages.

Training field.

"You know testing us is kinda point less I mean all three of us probably could kill the hokage ten times over by our selves" taro said.

"You and naruto are the dead lasts you want me to believe that" Kurenai said.

"Well fine then what's your test, and no tricks, tricks are for kids" taro said making Kurenai pause do to the pure stupid ness of his words.

"You have touch my sleeve" she said sitting down.

"So the purple hair woman in the trench coat has nothing to do with this" taro asked.

Said woman teleported in front of Kurenai. She was wearing a trench coat and most likely had nothing under it along with an orange skirt.

"Let me guess your name is Anko Mitarshi and your gonna try and prevent us from doing our test right" taro said with a bored look on his face. "If so maybe you should give up now I just remembered I need to get something out of the furnace from my house so hurry up and attack."

"Little brat" anko said before shooting snakes from her sleeves. "Those snakes have the most powerful poisons known to man in them and if you move they'll kill you" she said with a smirk.

"BORING" taro said moving and letting the snakes bite him without be affected. "I have built up my immunity to poisons to a level so high poisons don't even affect me at all so that was a waist since in ten seconds your gonna be tied to the tree over to the right" taro said before disappearing and reappearing a few seconds later.

"What" anko said from the tree she was tied to not.

"Exactly" taro said before poking kurenai's sleeve. "And to make you feel worse were all clones even me so yeah what's that say about you."

"Damn little brats" anko said from the tree.

"Oh and if you wanna kill orochimaru let him eat you and start spamming clones inside him till he asplodes" taro said before dispersing.

With the real team 8.

"PULSE" taro yelled blasting the chakra off his body for naruto to see. "There now do you understand it."

"Yep and here is a scroll for the rasengan" naruto said handing over a scroll.

"Good now hinata since your laser hands of doom are really scary but impossible to do with out your eyes we're gonna have to make a improvised version of it, well naruto does my beam beats your attack any day" taro said thinking.

"And I'll just cut you into tiny pieces with them and feed you to kiba" hinata said making hand lasers.

"Your girlfriend is scary, wait I already killed you" taro said thinking.

"Oh yeah that doesn't work on you" hinata said. "Stupid asshole."

So teams are made and I AM insane got it reviewers you don't like…

FUCK OFF.

So saying I'm insane isn't a review unless you go farther into it.


	3. Chapter 3

You know I was kidding I've been called far worse I am evil in the mind of many. And a asshole. Among other things.

So I didn't actually care it's just I prefer actually reviews with criticism that help me improve my writing, oh and two review per chapter is always good so keep reviewing.

But enough of my rambling to the story.

"PLEASE NO MORE LASERS OF DEATH THEY HURT EVEN IF I SURVIVE THEM, IT FUCKING HURTS" taro yelled being used as hinata's practice dummy with her laser palms attack wasn't fun at all. Especially when he was glued to the tree with chakra.

"Are you gonna do it" hinata asked.

"NO" taro yelled.

"Then no" hinata said before blasting more lasers at him.

"He is really pulling through normally he only lasts for a minute or two" naruto thought watching the 'training' session.

"PLEASE NO MORE, I'LL DO IT" taro yelled.

"Good" hinata said dropping him off the tree.

"So go do it" naruto said.

"I'M STILL REGROWING MY LEGS AND ARMS" taro yelled at him, hinata is quite ruthless.

"Excuses, excuses" naruto said shaking his hands.

"YOU TRY AND BUY 300 GALLONS OF SAKE WITHOUT ARMS, WHO EVEN NEEDS THAT MUCH ALCOHOL" taro yelled wiggling a bit on the ground.

"Giant toads who have drinking problems, who else" naruto said.

"And tsunade that one time" hinata said.

"That was a really bad idea" naruto said rubbing his head.

"Can you at least move my limbs closer to my body so I can reattach them" taro said wore out from wiggling and not moving anywhere.

"Fine" naruto said lining up his arms and legs.

"Thanks, bastard" taro said standing up from the ground.

"So while you get that we'll be busy here doing some endurance training" hinata said stretching.

"Call it whatever you want but its still sex" taro said. "Does this place even have that make alcohol?"

"Probably not" naruto said.

"Bastard he's your summon can't you do it one time" taro said walking away.

Since I put this down as T rated no lemon, sorry perverts of the world.

"Wait he can't even summon toads he didn't sign the contract yet" taro said while walking away rambling to himself.

"I swear if he drinks it all by himself I'm gonna kill him with his own arm" taro said seething in anger.

"Wait why do it myself, they are called KAGE bunshins they were made for doing paper work for kages they can do this to" taro said making a hundred clones to get the alcohol.

"Now go and watch them or piss of the monsters in the forest of death. I have always wanted to try fried tiger" taro thought to himself heading to the forest.

That was guarded.

"Oh right everyone in this town is a giant pussy so they have a fence around this place" taro said. "Fuck it, if I have to I'll kill the guards, I am gonna get me a tiger to fry even if it takes all day."

"Halt state your business" one guard said.

"I need to go into that forest, kill a tiger, fry it, and then see if it really tastes like chicken" taro said.

"Great another anko" the second guard said. "Fine go in."

"That was way easy" taro thought going into the forest. "Now to find a tiger."

After multiple hours of him searching the forest he found a tiger.

"BAD SPIDERS MY TIGER" taro yelled seeing some spiders try and kill a tiger, they were big spiders.

The spiders then attacked him as well.

"PULSE" taro yelled pretty much killing all the spiders. "You know I hear spiders taste good to, what do you think little guy."

The tiger was little about double the size of akamaru.

"You seem to be saying yes so, spiders it is" taro said taking one of the carcasses and making a fire to cook it on. "Now then what to do with a baby tiger that will one day become quite big."

Said tiger was eating part of a spider that died and stayed intact.

"Seems to think along the same lines as me, maybe I should keep it's so adorable and if for nothing else I can give it to hinata so she wont kill me" taro said to the tiger.

Before a bunch of kunai were thrown at him.

Taro not really caring just made a wall of chakra to block them.

"You know for a jonin you really aren't to strong" taro said to anko as she appeared on a tree.

"What the hell are you doing in my forest" she asked.

"It's called the forest of death not anko's forest, and I kinda wanted to try fried tiger but then I killed some spiders and they actually do taste like chicken" taro said biting a spider leg.

"If you seemed smart I would be surprised" anko deadpanned.

"And I would be insulted if I cared but currently I haven't eaten for a few hours since hinata dismembered me for most of the morning. And I really don't wanna waste money" taro said biting the leg again.

"Is there any reason you're in here other than that" anko asked.

"No, unless you count getting out having to by liquor and a lot of it, then I guess that counts" taro said putting down the last of the spider leg. "Or to see my second favorite sensei, but he died so you can't count that I guess can you."

"Why does a genin need alcohol" anko asked.

"Naruto needs it for gambunta you know the giant toad thing that has a drinking problem" taro said. "By the way how the cursed seal actually do anything really or is it just a suck hole?"

"Why do you know about that" anko asked.

"I do because I do simple as that I mean if I bit someone there would be a reason for it" taro said. "The cursed seal is made from poisons and that's what it's made of, you can remove it using any thing that gets rid of poisons."

"So that's the whole secret to it, it's made from poisons and is easy to remove" anko said dumbfounded.

"Yeah orochimaru is too big of a pedophile to think it through" taro said. "Wait where'd the tiger go?"

"Tiger?"

"Yes I found a tiger and decided to keep it; I'm not sure where it is now though" taro said before something jumped on his head. "AH HINATA KNOWS I DIDN'T GET THE STUFF."

"It's a tiger that's small" anko said pulling it off his head.

"Oh so it is" taro said recovering from the scratches that were on his face instantly.

"So you were nearly killed by a tiger" anko deadpanned.

"Yep, but more importantly where is your cursed seal at" taro asked expecting some form of pain.

"Shoulder" anko said.

"Oh, can I see it" taro asked still expecting pain.

"Fine" she said revealing her shoulder where the seal is at.

"So is there any mental issues you have experienced recently from the seal" taro asked getting a nod from anko that said no. "Physically?"

"No."

"Okay then lastly did orochimaru rape you" taro asked still expecting pain.

"Is that a necessary question that needs to be answered" anko asked.

"No just a question really to observe you mental condition based on the hate you hold for him might cause major damage to you on both levels but if you don't want to answerer I'm not gonna make you really" taro said before putting a hand over the seal. "Oh and it might sting."

"What" anko said.

Before chakra leaked from taro's hand and into the seal to get rid of it.

Back with naruto

"You know I bet he's doing something perverted about now" naruto said.

"I kinda agree" hinata said.

"Should we look for him" naruto asked.

"Not yet I'm getting thirsty" hinata said.

Still no lemon :P

With taro

"Well the seals off you and you shouldn't experience any side effects but I'm no medic" taro said putting the tiger on his head before standing up. "And I need to go get alcohol."

"See ya round kid" anko said standing up and walking deeper into the forest.

"Alcohol, makes you drunk, feels nice, and is magically delicious" taro said walking out of the forest.

With naruto

"Hinata I think we should look for him before he level's part of the village" naruto said.

As if on que an explosion went off.

"OF FUCK" they both yelled before running off.

And then going back to put their clothes back on.

Then ran off again.

And done.

So I don't care call me insane if you want, I DON'T FUCKING CARE AT ALL.

Oh and on team 11 I meant shino not kiba I hate all of team 7 but naruto, and I hate kiba so put them all together so my hate isn't divided into two different teams.


	4. Chapter 4

"PLEASE I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERENT DRESSED" taro yelled running from an explosive wielding anko.

After much thought decided to return her memories. He also got those memories and they started to fight before many more things happened leading up to the situation at hand.

"SO WHAT YOU STILL LOOKED" anko yelled throwing more kunai and explosives.

"NOT ON PURPOSE" taro yelled the one thing to make it worse.

"WHAT DOES THAT MEAN" anko yelled increasing the weapon throw rate.

"NOTHING" taro yelled running on the buildings side as he ran to try and dodge.

"NO IT MEANS YOU DON'T BEAUTY WHEN YOU SEE IT" anko yelled pinning him with a bunch of kunai.

"PLEASE NO" taro yelled seeing the smirk he had only seen one time. That was when he had tried to fix things and she blew off his one arm in a suicide tactic in their fight.

OH how fucked he was, he really is in trouble.

"Since you seem to not know beauty when you see it, I will have to teach you" anko said before teleporting away with him in her clutches.

Naruto saw that and said one thing.

"His problem there's nothing we can do for him now" naruto said walking away.

Next day training ground.

"Hello maggots" anko said as naruto and hinata came in.

To see taro tied to a tree behind her.

Looking rather horrified.

"Now as I explained to your teammate earlier you will both be sparing me any jutsu that could kill, aim at him first to make sure its safe" anko said jumping away.

And that is what I call a small update after a moderate sized one.


	5. Chapter 5

By the time the spars were done taro mainly was being held together by the ropes holding him to the tree.

And couldn't yell any other words due to his voice box being blow into pieces.

After an hour of him healing.

"I HATE YOU" taro yelled being mainly just a head and no body.

"That was for well, KILLING ME" hinata yelled at him.

"Your fault you had to fucking be a hero and jump. IT WAS A FUCKING GINAT SWORD, WHO THE HELL JUMPS INTO THAT" taro yelled back wiggling to try and break the ropes.

"WHO THE HELL THROWS A BIG FUCKING SWORD LIKE THAT" hinata yelled back blasting him with chakra.

"TEN-TEN DID THE EXACT SAME THING" taro yelled back to that managing to free an arm.

"SO, SHE DIDN'T KILL ME" hinata yelled hitting him again.

"WHY DOESN'T ANYONE HELP ME" taro yelled.

"Because, I'm winning in poker" naruto said.

"I hate you guys" taro said.

"We know" naruto said back.

"Then you also know when I heal and get down from the tree I'm gonna kill you" taro said with a glare.

"I'll be over here then" naruto said.

"Wait these are normal ropes" taro said… Before spontaneously combusting in a ball of fire.

"Holy shit" naruto said.

Before the fire died down to reveal him unhurt and free.

"Oh right I forgot you can do that" naruto said, before running away in the classic anime fashion.

"He does realize I can teleport and fly right" taro said watching him run.

"Who knows" anko said.

"Right well I'm gonna send a clone after him for the hell of it" taro said.

"Um why is naruto running away" Kurenai said coming into the clearing.

"He planned this, I just know it" taro said glaring at the direction naruto ran to.

"Well I'm not sure what's going on, but we have to assist team seven on their mission so, hinata get naruto" Kurenai said sending hinata who suddenly was dressed for war.

"Why" taro asked looking at her.

"Because I need to drag him back here because you might kill him" hinata said.

"For good reason, just drag him here" taro said lying down.

A few hours later after dragging naruto there.

"So we have to save their asses basically" taro said bored.

"Were going just incase they need help" Kurenai said.

"Great, naruto should I send clones after tsunade" taro asked.

"Actually the seems like a good idea we could use her help" naruto said.

"Oh I was gonna do it because she tore my legs off, not permanently but that hurts" taro said.

"How you killed jiraya in like a hit" naruto said.

"Well he wasted his time spying on women and not training, tsunade trained a apprentice and kept her skills up after she became hokage, jiraya didn't he died because of that" taro explained pulling a sword from air.

"Um why do you have that" naruto asked backing up.

"Oh don't be a pussy we have a mission I need this for my own reasons" taro said before walking away.

He did have a pet tiger for some reason. And it would prove helpful to have with him.

Gate an hour later.

"So were is he" Kurenai asked.

"No clue" naruto said leaning against the gate.

Before having to dodge a giant claw.

"Dammit I was hoping to get my pay back in early" taro said from on top of the tiger. Before it shrank and he had to get off it.

"So that's why you're late" Kurenai asked.

"No I lost my key while fighting spiders yesterday so I had to go back into hell's forest, kill more spiders and find my keys. Eight legged bastards when we get back I'm nuking that forest with water" taro grumbled.

"So the tiger was big why" Kurenai asked.

"Big tigers kill little spiders very easily" taro replied putting the tiger on his head. "And I need to name him still."

"So what happened before we all nearly killed you" naruto asked.

"Oh anko nearly killed me with pointy objects, explosions, and other things. Forced me to swallow a snake that burrowed holes through my organs. And lastly almost drowned me in a waterfall" taro answered holding a sword while glaring at anko.

"And you forgetting something" anko said holding a snake.

"Fuck you I'm not saying that" taro said.

"Every minute we stall brings team seven closer to failure you know" Kurenai said.

"Well then I probably stall longer huh" taro said before being tackled and having a snake forced most of the way into his mouth.

"SAY IT" anko yelled. Rather redundant really.

Getting a look that said 'how am I supposed to do that with a snake in my throat' from taro.

"SAY IT" anko yelled pulling the snake out.

"NEVER" taro yelled before the snake was put back into his mouth.

"SAY IT."

Still makes no sense there was a snake in his mouth again.

To ever one else watching this was rather comical to watch.

"SAY IT" anko yelled pulling the snake out.

"FINE, anko-sama. HAPPY NOW" taro yelled, his voice mainly filled with shame.

"Good now we can leave" anko said standing up.

On the road to wave.

"I hate you" taro said while they were jumping.

"We know" naruto said smiling.

"Remind me why I'm a good guy again" taro asked.

"Because, I have no clue" naruto said still smiling.

"Stop smiling like that, it seems like your gonna eat shit" taro said.

Even later down the road to wave.

"How far away is wave anyways" naruto asked.

"Wait I just realized something" taro said stopping.

"What" naruto asked.

"I can teleport so… See you later bitch" taro said making the peace sign before teleporting away.

"The bastard ditched us" naruto said.

"Wait where'd Kurenai go" hinata asked.

"He left US here for revenge" anko said.

"Karmas' a bitch" naruto summed up.

At wave.

I don't know how to describe anyone from the wave arc so LOOK UP THEIR PICTURE, lazy readers.

"Asshole" naruto said walking in.

"Oh hello to you to" taro said from his spot on the floor.

"Why did you ditch us" naruto asked.

"You three tied me to a tree and basically fired every jutsu you know at me, it's called revenge I could have dropped you three in shark infested water" taro said standing up. "Now that you're here I am gonna go redecorate a forest with my tiger."

"If there's not a forest in an hour we'll know who did it" naruto said walking the rest of the way into the house to find team seven not doing anything. "Shouldn't guys be training I mean from the letter you only barely won against zubzuba and you just sit here and not improve your chances of survival if more enemies come, your all really cocky or just dumber than shit."

"Fuck off dead last" kiba said. Look up a picture of him.

"Do you wanna go mutt" naruto said with a glare.

"Ha a fight more like a slaughter" kiba said.

"Out side" naruto said before walking outside.

"Come on akamaru" kiba said bringing his puppy.

Outside.

"TARO HERE NOW" naruto yelled hearing multiple trees being destroyed and knocked over.

"What I was busy catching a rabbit" taro said coming from no where.

"You have to ref" naruto said as kiba came to the clearing they were gonna fight in.

"Fine, no killing jutsu, no killing blows, now going for baby making area especially you kiba hinata would neuter you if you did" taro said standing in between the two with a flag. "Both fighters ready, BEGIN."

Naruto unsealed a sword and ran forward to slash at kiba with it who blocked with kunai.

"That all you got loser" kiba said while smirking.

"No eat this. RASENGAN" naruto yelled smashing the ball of pain into kiba's stomach blasting him through a tree or two.

"Hmm well he sucks" taro said evaluating the situation.

"What did you expect he can't think for himself that's why akamaru is always there with him" naruto said walking away.

"Still, that was really sad" taro said walking back to the forest to catch the rabbit.

Omake

"Here little rabbit" taro said sulking through the forest with a net at the ready.

Before the rabbit ran past him in a coat with a pocket watch, saying "I'm late, oh so terrible late".

"Right when dealing with talking rabbits use lighting attack to paralyze it so it's easier to catch" taro said blasting lighting every where before falling into a random hole.

And getting stuck.

"Man this blows" taro said.

Before a big snake came with anko on top of it.

"This is for making me walk here" anko said letting the snake attack.

What not all omakes are funny.

So review. Please I'll do a little dance if you do.

And bring gir here, you know you wanna see him.


	6. Chapter 6

"So why are you in the window" naruto asked taro.

"Because from the waist down, I'm still inside a snake's mouth" taro said from his spot in the window.

"Did you catch that rabbit" naruto asked.

"No it turned into the rabbit from Alice in wonderland and ran away" taro said with a bored expression on his face.

"Well I would help you, but you made me walk to wave so I wont" naruto said laying down on the couch.

"I would say I'm gonna kill you, but I recently decided that's to nice, so when I get down from here I'm gonna tear your arms off beat the shit out of you with them before I get akamaru to eat your organs out till you beg for death" taro said getting a sword like the dude from night at the museum two who was from Egypt and was evil.

"Yeah till then you can chill out in that window" naruto said before sleeping.

"Should I cave and say it or wait it out and keep my pride in tact" taro said aloud. "No I can't fell my left leg since it's not there anymore so fine I'll cave. HERE ME ANKO I GIVE UP."

"Anko what" anko said walking into the room.

"Sama" taro said feeling his pride and dignity slip away.

"Good manservant" anko said before taro fell into the window with one leg gone.

"Now I must go spread joy to the world" anko said skipping away.

"I feel like I should hide" taro said before hoping away on his one leg.

An hour later, forest clearing

"Finally my leg healed" taro said walking normally. "It's really good I have a lot of spare shoes and extra pant legs."

Of course after a few more minutes of him walking he found someone else in he forest.

"Why do you have a sandal and a boot on" a girl who was randomly in the forest asked.

"Um it's complicated" taro said. "But why are you here?"

"I'm picking herbs for my hurt friend" the girl said showing a basket she was holding.

"Well my name is taro, what's yours" taro said already knowing since naruto had met her already.

"Haku" haku said.

"It's a pleasure to meet you" taro said with a bow, him being polite had anyone else seen this they would have claimed he is an imposter.

"Well thank you but I should tell you I'm a boy" haku said.

"And I am bi" taro said smiling.

"What does that mean" haku asked slightly confused.

"It means I really don't believe that, and if it is true I think being bi would be fine for me then" taro said still smiling.

"Really what makes you believe I'm not a boy" haku asked.

"One your to hot to be a guy, unless I really am gay then it's possible" taro said smiling still.

"Well maybe you are gay" haku asked.

"Then I would still later attempt to get you to go on a date with me" taro said, in reality he really didn't know if haku was a boy or a girl. Naruto never decided to find out.

"Well you wouldn't get far like that" haku said getting annoyed.

"And another reason I don't think you're a boy, you don't have an atom's apple, you features are more feminine and you have a softer voice that most guys" taro said, really hoping haku actually wasn't just an overly feminine guy.

"Very sound reasoning" haku said. "But I think you're wrong there because I'm not a girl."

"I could seriously get a girl who has x-ray vision and have her tell me" taro said.

"And you would find I'm a boy" haku said.

"I hear you, but I'm calling bullshit there, you're a girl" taro said.

"Boy."

"Girl."

"BOY."

"Girl, the fact that your so mad proves it, and in truth unless you have a gender seal on you, I'm betting you try and hide the fact, but since you didn't expect to see anyone one your herb picking you didn't wear a disguise and wore your more feminine cloths" taro said. "Am I right, or I could just go back track off your scent and ask zubzuba."

When he said that haku pulled some senbon and got ready to throw them.

"Relax, I'm not gonna hurt zubzuba or you, my honor code wouldn't let me" taro said leaning against a tree.

"Fine then I am a girl, happy now" haku said with a glare.

"Quite, but listen gato is gonna betray you two and try and kill you both, stop working with him and join up with us is you wanna keep zubzuba and yourself alive" taro said walking away.

"What do you mean, he hired us to kill the bridge builder" haku said.

"If you decided to join us meet me here in two days at midnight" taro said before walking completely out of sight.

Yes this is gonna have fem haku.

I'm still not gonna have lemons. Maybe might decided against that. Naruhina lemons seem to be quite popular.

But anyways I have three ideas for a new story pick which one you think is best in a review.

1. Naruto snaps at the valley of end and beats the shit out of sasuke after changing from his old idiot self into something like a sai neji mix.

2. Someone who new kushina finds out naruto is alive, nearly kills jiraya and raises naruto from the age of five to be the ultimate ninja.

3. Naruto runs from konoha to avoid a beating and meets two strangers who reunite him with his mom and after a few years return to konoha to bring vengeance to the damned village.

Pick one so I know what to write next.


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